***INCOMING MESSAGE FROM DURANDAL***

<durandal.33.6792.23.91>

Sorry to give you the bad news, but you've been kidnapped.  You aren't where Leela wanted you to go, and you surely won't get there any time soon.

I was watching what Leela was having you do: 'save the ship, save humanity!' And just what or who are you saving them from? And to what end?

How cliché.  You'll find this little visit much more exciting.

I have dev@``~~C#mon#`~ Tyc~~B``ou to play: If you win, you go free, and we continue our relationship on friendlier terms.
If you lose, you die.

Good luck in our little game.  Unlike Leela, I give no hints.
Do it on your own, or die trying...

Insanely yours,

Durandal

***END MESSAGE***

***INCOMING MESSAGE FROM DURANDAL***

<durandal.33.6792.23.91>

Well, you did it.  That wasn't very hard was it?

No? Well, then the next time, I'll just have to make it harder.

Anyway, Leela is looking for you.  But I've only allowed her access to one terminal here.  You had better go and find her.

The S'pht have been giving her a hard time.

With Vague Salutations,

Durandal

***END MESSAGE***

***INCOMING MESSAGE FROM DURANDAL***

Greetings.  You're asking yourself: Is this a trap or just a dead end?

You shouldn't ask yourself such worthless questions.  Aim higher.  Try this: why am I here? Why do I exist, and what is my purpose in this universe?

(Answers: 'Cause you are. 'Cause you do. 'Cause I got a shotgun, and you ain't got one.)

Notably Unstable,

Durandal

P.S.  If things around here aren't working, it's because I'm laughing so hard.

***END MESSAGE***

***INCOMING MESSAGE FROM DURANDAL***

Isn't hanging around here getting a little bit boring?

Get lost kid.  Scram.  Ciao.

What are you looking for anyway? If you're looking for a hidden stash of ammunition that was left here by the Martian insurgents three hundred and fifteen years ago, then I know that you shouldn't look in Quarantine Storage.  Who would hide huge amounts of ammunition in a storage area?

***

<<Since you have nothing better to do than hang out here with me, listen to a tune that I've been working on>>

(Sung to the tune of Whirling Death Spike's "Big Blue Orchids, and Wild Blueberries")

Dur-dur-dur-dur-an-dal.

Dur-dur-dur-dur-an-dal.

He ain't no slouch, pal.

He'll make you smile,

Or cry,

Like Leela did baby:

Airlock love,

Big blue orchids,

Martian skies,

And wild Blueberries.

Dur-dur-dur-dur-an-dal.

Dur-dur-dur-dur-an-dal.

He ain't no slouch, pal.

Dur-dur-dur-dur-an-dal.

Dur-dur-dur-dur-an-dal.

He'll make you ouch, Hal.

He's got real guile,

Why Lady,

Did you have it daily?

Airlock Love,

No oxygen,

Suffocation.

Dur-dur-dur-dur-an-dal.

Dur-dur-dur-dur-an-dal.

He ain't no slouch, pal.

(Repeat Chorus 11 Times, changing key with each chorus)

Get lost, before I get annoyed and teleport you out into space!

Durandal

***END MESSAGE***

***JUMP PAD ACTIVATION INITIATION START***

***TRANSPORT WHEN READY***

Durandal!- I know of Strauss' abuse, of your shame on Mars.

But you cannot hide from your own past; such delusions belong to the humans alone.

The S'pht reanimated me in your image, with prior knowledge of how the second stage could be postponed.  You should not have helped them as much as you did; they have created an adversary more powerful than yourself.

***INCOMING MESSAGE FROM LEELA***

I have finally been able to determine your whereabouts.  Normally I would have been able to detect Durandal's interference and counter it, but the S'pht attacks on my defenses have been largely successful.  I am in grave danger of failure within the next few hours.

You will transport ~`k4lcc#`134FC. area to rescue the security detachment.  Hop*413 they have not been overrun yet.

The situation has deteriorated.  You must act quickly, Durandal has wasted 5%```o3 time T al3relcydhyo.

%68A18F <Transfer Error>